Me at The Zoo

I went to the zoo the other day. Just by myself. I don't usually have much time to do anything but sleep and watch anime or play a bit of a game. Not because I have no free time at all, simply that I live in so remote a place it takes a long time to go anywhere worthwhile and back. Even when I do have time, I've always disliked going places and doing things alone. It feels pathetic, and sad. I've always been embarrased of having no IRL friends to hang out with, and little family. What family I have in my town has the exact opposite schedule as me so I hardly see them, let alone am able to hang out with them.

Slowly but surely I've been getting over my embarrassment and doing what I please when I can and how I please. I first started with the movie theater, as that was something I felt was more... Easy? The initial embarrassment of buying 1 ticket by and for myself and going down to the assigned screening room is easy to overcome once I go into the dark theater space, sit down, and the movie starts; especially if I go toward the back. There's no eyes on me whatsoever, and that's how I like it. It started last year with the Reze Arc movie. I really wanted to see it in theaters so I pushed myself to go even though I had only gone to the theater alone once before- way back in 2017 as a teenager I watched Blade Runner 2049 in a completely empty theater. This year, not too long ago, I went to watch Masters of The Universe by myself in theaters. While I liked the mood watching BR 2049 in an otherwise completely empty theater set, and it's a memory I cherish and recall fondly, I can't say the same for He-Man. It was fun, the type of movie you want to enjoy with others. Going in, I felt sad because I wanted this movie to succeed (not to say I didn't want 2049 to succeed, but man that atmosphere was killer for that empty screening), and an empty theater doesn't bode well for that. Besides that, I also went to local anime conventions last year, as I'd never been to one before and I wanted to see what they were like. I got some cool merch, but honestly it was super daunting, and while I wanted to talk to people, I just couldn't bring myself to. This year, though, when visiting some distant relatives in Chicago to attend a cousin's graduation, I stopped by a much bigger convention for a day or two that I'd heard about last year. If I thought the much smaller, local ones were daunting, this was basically a final boss. I'm glad though because while I still haven't worked up the courage to talk to others, a few attendees there talked to me, like the guy who saw the Godzilla figure I'd bought and started talking to me about the upcoming Minus Zero and Supernova excitedly, or the guy who cheered me on as I went crazy style on Bangai-O at 3 in the morning in the gaming section. It was nice, I'm not used to people wanting to talk to me, let alone about cool stuff or to cheer on something I'm doing. That brings us back to recently, where I went to the zoo, and since going to that con in Chicago helped me get over my hang up over dressing how I want (I didn't cosplay exactly but I brought and wore the outfit Sora from No Game No Life does as a kind of pseudo-cosplay (Sadly, not many people recognized it)), I went in what I call my "Bootleg Link" medieval peasant outfit consisting of a tunic, one of those old-school belts you tie, a pair of "hiking sandals" (they were actually really comfy) that I got off Amazon, and a bandana to help block the heat a bit since hats don't fit me with my hair so grown out.

I was hesitant of going out dressed like a weirdo to a place you're not actively encouraged to, unlike conventions, but my anxieties were calmed by one of the girls working the entrance who told me she liked my outfit as she scanned my ticket. It was too hot for the Polar Bear, so I was bummed but not surprised that I wouldn't be able to see it, but since it's summer that means pretty much all other animals are available to see as they're mainly from warmer climates. I love movies, anime, and video games, but I also love animals. Ever since I was little I've been obsessed with 2 things: Dinosaurs, and Pokemon! (And yes, that does mean I WILL be going to the Pokemon Fossil Museum exhibit at the Chicago Field Museum if it's the last thing I do!) They instilled and reinforced my love for just about all living things in equal measure. I love that there are so many different, strange, and fantastic organisms in this world so different from yet so alike us. I've always loved learning about everything from the ways they move, where and how they live, their body plans, their diets, the strange, almost superhuman abilities they can have, and so much more. Just the way they look can fascinate me. After all, who doesn't love the adorably odd, pink little Axolotl or the cinnamon and cream colored living teddy bear-raccoon hybrid that is the Red Panda? There are so many beautiful living things and stunning ecosystems they inhabit and that so many have no care or even outright disdain for the natural wonders around them upsets and angers me like few other things can. I'm therefore very glad my zoo is one with a focus on conservation efforts, and helps the sustaining of threatened, endangered, and even critically endangered species. I was happy to learn that they took part (along with other zoos and wildlife organizations) in helping a species of Oryx that was declared extinct in the wild regrow its captive population enough to finally, 3 years ago, be reintroduced in the wild and now "only" be endangered. That's just an example of some of the work they do, so, while much of what they sell can be rather expensive, since most of the money goes to those efforts, I was happy to pay and even purposefully didn't bring a water bottle even though that is allowed. I also bought a Red Panda plush and a smaller Axolotl plushie (can you tell I love these guys?) because once you give in and finally start buying anime figures despite your embarrassment, buying plushies alone as an adult man becomes nothing. It's my money! I can spend it how I want! Besides, it helps the animals, right? Regardless, when I first arrived I beelined it for the Penguin house! I love Penguins, they're so cute and quite a few came up right to the glass to ponder me or whatever. The penguin house even had smaller exhibits with Moon Jellies and Lion Fish. Very cool. Though the coolest was the fact that the indoor pool the more Antarctic penguins were kept in was built with a ramp around it that you can go down and see the penguins dive and swim inside of the pool from.

After that, I went to the Asia section, where I got to see Bornean Orangutans try to catch some shade. They seemed to want to just rest so the next thing I did was, of course, go see the Red Panda. It was immeasurably cute, and while I wish I could have seen it moving around doing stuff, few things are as adorable as a sleeping Red Panda. Next were some Asian monkeys that were funny, but not as memorable as the Sumatran Tiger. The apparently have 3 but only 1 was available for viewing that day, but I lucked out and managed to catch the zookeepers feeding her. Few things are as wild as seeing a Tiger, less than 15 feet away from you. It was awesome, but I was also glad we were seperated from it by 2 sets of metal bars. I finished Asia with the Rhino Hornbill. That bird looks crazy. Crazy cool but also had eyes that reminded me of the Velociraptors from Jurassic Park. Cold, predatorial

Next was the Australia section. They apparently have free-roaming Red Kangaroos but they must have been hiding to get some shade because I didn't get to see any. I did get to see quite a few Emus, a Dingo or 2, and a couple different species of Wallaby. They all look so cool! Australians are lucky to have all these really unique animals, though my Aussie friends do tell me how much of a pain in the ass they are in daily life, lol. I ended Australia with the Snake House and the Tree Kangaroo exhibit. Tree Kangaroos are so unique looking compared to their cousins, very cute though! Might be added to my personal of Animal Kingdom Cuties alongside Arctic Wolves, Red Pandas, and Axolotls. After that I went to the Africa section, as I can never get enough of Elephants, Giraffes, Zebra, Ostriches, etc. Got to see an Elephant take a piss, so that was funny. After that I got a good look at some Cheetahs, Warthogs, Gorillas, Leopards, etc. Classic stuff, though I got to see some animals that I thought were cool but not as well known too. The Red River Hog looks like a Pokemon, or at least like a good inspiration for one. Should've been the basis for Tepig's final evolution, or at least its middle one. It's literally a big, red pig with weird ears Game Freak it's perfect I really hope the Fuecoco line in Scarlet and Violet signaled the end to the longstanding "Fire starter evolves into a humanoid, often Fire-Fighting type mix" trend that started when I was a literal baby because, man, that was annoying. Tangent aside, another neat sight was the Aldabra Giant Tortoise. Imagine a giant turtle so huge it looked like I, an adult man, could ride on it: that's this thing! Super cool.

It was around here where a cute goth girl (in the middle of summer?) with rather large breasts that were contained within a super low cut v-neck shirt that showed off major cleavage complimented my belt as we passed each other while crossing the bridge to our respective next exhibits. Needless to say, I was glad I decided to go with that outfit that day. I regret not using the opportunity to speak to her further, as I only thanked her before we went on our ways, but I'm just not that type of guy, and honestly, I didn't think much of it at the time because the Dik-diks and Blue Duiker were next! Super cute, super small deer things. They look like they could be great pets but that's probably my inner Pokemaniac wishing everything small and cute could be my pet. After that was more of your big zoo animals, Lions, Hippos, Crocs, Chimps, Baboons, the works. I enjoyed the Fennec Fox and Bat-Eared Foxes a lot, also very cute, and the Black Rhinocerous being so critically endangered made my viewing feel both incredibly miraculous and also incredibly sad. I hope there's as much success with those guys as the Oryx, but I understand that they have a lot more working against them than the Oryx. All because some greedy losers want to boast about the exotic and rare material they use to make god knows what with, or superstitious morons who think their horns are magic and will cure their erectile dysfunction.

I had a lot of fun on my own at the zoo, and enjoyed talking with the various animal keepers and trainers that would sometimes go about either talking about the enclosed animals or bring out stuff like snakes or birds for us to gently pet and intertact with. A lot of my initial enjoyment came from the fact that, unlike most other entertainment in the city, the zoo seems to be one of those things that only white people seem to care enough about to go to on an ostensible weekday. So while there were little kids who could be a tad rambunctious, the attendees were otherwise orderly, respectful, quiet, and kind. Therefore, while most of stay was super enjoyable, this unfortunately didn't last as closer toward closing the imported biosludge began to arrive. I make great effort to not let my biases show on my sleeve nor my face, but having to watch some fat Slugvadoran woman bang on the glass of the enclosure of some eels and crabs in the Aquarium while she lets her Sluglings run about with no consideration toward the other attendees, let alone the animals... I should've called ICE. Don't get me started on the Chineese and Indian families there who hogged the viewing and also poked at the glass of the enclosures like they were nothing but mere apes themselves. Actually, that's rude to the monkeys and other apes, who were far more respectful and polite. I'm just glad I had already went through the aquarium earlier in the morning, closer toward opening. At the Tropical building, in my second go through, I was also unlucky enough to encounter a family of North American Pavement Apes. A (surprise) fat single mother letting her 2 daughters bang on the glass and scream at a bird that screeched at them back, clearly stressing it out. The mother, of course, didn't care and only told them to stop when I approached and a keeper came out to check on the Gibbons. The poor bird was, perhaps ironically, a South American Crested Screamer, known for its "screams" it makes when it believes to be threatened. It, like many animals when I and I alone came up to their enclosures, I noticed; came up to the glass and looked at me with something I think might have been curiousity. I pondered if I was maybe some kind of rejected Disney Prince because that happened with the Penguins, Emus, and some of the smaller monkey species and fish at the aquarium. I had even had several people who had been swarming around the animals at those exhibits to get a better look and left as I arrived turn around and return once the animals came out closer to look at me. Weird. Anyways, I finished the Tropical building by looking at a Porcupine with a prehensile tail, some Capybara, a couple bigger African monkeys and giant African Porcupines. After that I went to the Kids area that had a building with Poison Dart Frogs, some cool Newts, a Sloth, Macaws, and some cute little Squirrel Monkeys and Golden Lion Tamarins that also seemed to take a liking to me over the annoying Mexican families trying to poke the glass to get them to pop out of hiding for photo ops. The Kids building was the last spot I went through before it was time to leave, and I'll never forget or find it ominous that the last animal there that I saw were the Ring-Tailed Lemurs, with 2 even staring right at me as I left the building. Weird and eerie.

The whole time, while I had fun, and loved seeing the animals- especially on the "Sky Safari", a Ski Lift that takes you over the big field where the Giraffe, Ostriches, Zebra, Oryx, Kudu, Addax, and others more freely roam. Talk about something straight out of the Pokemon movies! However, while I did and do enjoy all that, it still saddens me- seeing all these animals kept in cages, behind fencing and glass. I know that for many of them, it's for their own good. Other sludge and scum out in the world have brought many of the occupants there to near extinction and so the good people of the zoo work to protect them, and of course there's the safety of us the attendees to keep in mind, but it's always sad seeing such beautiful living creatures limited and restrained. You can tell they want to go out and about, explore and sample the world, just like we do, but they can't. And so they're rendered into... Sad, barely mobile things. Lazying around, waiting for the next feeding. A life not lived but merely... Observed. Like how most of us don't really live but observe the world through our screen, they're made to do the same. The same shit, scenery, and gross fat touroids, day in, day out. What a miserable experience. That's when it clicked, why I empathized so much with these animals, why seeing them like this made me so sad: because they reminded me of me. I also feel trapped in the cage of my room and workplace. The same places, same monotonous bullshit, same dumb fucks, day in, day out. Trapped because of money, trapped because of stupid dumb fucks who I would rather hide away from just like those monkeys than have to interact with. And really, how many of us these days feel that way? Trapped? Scared? Angry, yet hopeless? Animals in a zoo. Only waiting around for our corporate overlords to give us our snackcoins that we only get enough of to just barely survive. Worse than a zoo, actually, at least zoos know that most different types of animals have to be kept seperate, as opposed to multirapist America where our keepers throw in different, incompatible breeds all to do as they please at the expense of any sense of civility or peace.

Look at the world around you today: the younger generations are lethargic and unambitious, often just living for the next paycheck to spend on whatever we want because there's no point in saving anymore, no one is getting married, or forming relationships of any kind (romantic OR platonic), let alone having kids. Animals in captivity don't breed. And we're being kept in captivity. Not free, caged. You, your friends, your family, my friends, my family; me, at the zoo. The human zoo. The Committee's great Human Domestication Program has already long been in effect and we're the result of it.

These thoughts and my experiences with the lesser hominids had me kind of depressed as I left the zoo, but I luckily had been listening to music from the Pokemon games and show the whole time via my Bluetooth "workout, wrap-around" headset that let me still hear the world around me clearly. The atmosphere and mood of the zoo melded with the music perfectly, so I left to the tune of a really great remix of Route 113's music from R/S/E/OR/AS with my Red Pand plush in arm, concerned for the future, but hopeful for it too, and happy that I worked up the courage to do something- a lot of things, I never could have imagined doing not long ago. Maybe I'll go again sometime, and actually talk to the cute girls I encounter this time, even if it goes nowhere; I honestly just hope I make a cool friend to talk about animals with, so maybe I should focus more on talking to other guys, but... I'm a red-blooded young man, what can I say? It's probably better I don't try to befriend and talk to any girls anyways, even if I really do just want friends, I'm a lonely guy, and a girl giving me the time of day even to just be friends... I know what I'll come to feel, that it won't be real, will just be desperation, just my desire to finally not be so alone, to able to love and to hold someone like I've always wanted to. Oh well, not like any gal out there is stupid or crazy enough to even want to talk to a freak like me anyways. Problem solved.

I may not get what I've always wanted, but I'm still moving forward, still working to try to achieve something close to that. It's easy to get blackpilled, and I'm still scared of the world and the people in it in many ways, but I (and everyone else!) have to remember: Blackpilling is the mind-killer!

Blackpilling is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my despair and fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.

With the Knights by my side, and thanks to them, I know I'll keep growing until I can be more like, idk, let's say our resident Part-Time Normie, but still me. A better version of myself, stronger and more bold. Free, and not alone. Me, no longer stuck inside this human zoo.